I am so thrilled that everyone loved our Christmas card this year!  It is one for the books for sure!  With the announcement of our third little blessing, I want to share with you the fun little story behind our family shoot this year. The day started out just like any other normal day, but it ended with a big surprise! First, a little back story on why this surprise was extra special…

I have never talked about this to anyone but my very closest friends and family.  However, I feel that if it can help even one person, who feels that they are in a hopeless situation, find just a glimmer of hope…then I am willing to scream it to the world!  It is no secret that Tim and I have wanted a third child and have wanted one for a very long time.  With the timing of my cursed back finally biting the dust early last spring, and having no choice but to have dreaded back surgery, we ended up having to hold off on baby number three…for what seemed like and eternity!  It was incredibly hard to do and I was quite emotional about it during what seemed like an impossible recovery! After surgery, I felt broken. I was under the influence that it would be a 6 week recovery, no big deal right?  While most people bounce back in 6 weeks to 3-4 months, I had had an extremely bad and weak back my entire life. What I came to find out after surgery was that recovery would take me longer, a lot longer than most. Most days I just knew that I would never recover! I remember laying on my back, 6 months after surgery and not even being able to lift either leg even an inch off the bed. I remember going back to work and feeling excruciating pain for a week all because of a 30 minute shoot. I would cry because I wanted to work so badly but it felt impossible at the time. I was really weak. I felt extremely hopeless.  I thought I would never be free of pain again.  I was mad…Mad at the situation. Mad at the horrible back I had been given my entire life. Mad at all the pain. Mad at feeling defeated. Mad that I may never have an active lifestyle with my children again. Mad that my career may be over. Mad that I may never be able to have another child.  It is not an experience that I ever want to relive, EVER!  I pray so hard every day that I will never have to have another back surgery. Feeling physically unable is the worst feeling I think one can have, especially, when you are only 30 and wanting to continue to grow your family!

I had struggled with back problems since I was 13 years old. I was told that I needed a back fusion at the age of  27.  It was not the greatest day of my life. I remember feeling cursed, defeated, and scared. At the age of 27 I did not feel even close to ready for such a serious surgery, so I put it off. I put it off knowing that it was inevitable one day. I wanted to continue growing our family….What if I had the surgery and something went wrong? What if I was in more pain then ever the rest of my life? What if I never recovered from it? What if I could never have more children? So I pushed forward and dealt with the every day pain that became my life.  I got pregnant with our second child, Carlee, and had a not so bad pregnancy, regardless of my circumstances.  I felt it though.  I knew deep down that I would probably not make it another pregnancy. And I didn’t. Carlee was nineteen months old when my back finally bit the dust. I was unable to pick my baby girl up again and hold her until she was almost three. That will make a momma feel defeated enough for sure! Now, I could still love on my baby girl and cuddle with my baby girl, but I absolutely was unable of picking her up or I paid for it dearly. That means I couldn’t go to the store with my children. I couldn’t take them to the park.  I couldn’t take them to birthday parties.  I basically couldn’t leave the house with them alone. If I was put in a situation of having to pick her up or chase her down, I was done. It was extremely defeating! I was depressed and I felt hopeless. I don’t tell you all of this for a pity party…I feel as if it is necessary for you to know the depths of h-e-double-l that I felt like I was in.

After a very long and hard recovery, and 10 months of physical therapy three times a week, I finally felt like our third baby could be in sight.  We were so excited that I finally felt physically able to carry our third child! Then a few months later, we realized that maybe another baby was not going to be as easy as our first two children. Becoming pregnant again ended up becoming another challenge. We even got pregnant and miscarried a baby at 7.5 weeks. It was incredibly heartbreaking and I again immediately felt defeated. After everything I had been through, why would I want another challenge? Why would God give me yet another challenge? Hadn’t I been through enough? I am not sure of God’s reasons. Maybe it was to make me more grateful for the two beautiful children I already had?  Not that I wasn’t grateful!  But, to make me feel content for once in my life. You see, I am a severe A type, a serious planner! I was never living IN the moment but always planning the next moment. I have always planned everything out, have always been in control, ALWAYS! Right? Haven’t I been in control all along? Well, God took that control away. Every single bit of it.  He took it away when I lost my back. And he definitely took it away when trying to have another baby. I was no longer in control of my own life.  Was that why I was so frustrated? Was I mad at the challenge and hard work of back surgery and recovery? Was I mad that I couldn’t have another child? Or was I mad that I was no longer in control? Its scary to not be in control. But here is the thing…we are NEVER in control. The control belongs to him. It always has. He taught me a very valuable lesson. He showed me that I had no choice but to give HIM the control!  All of it! Not just part of it! So after a huge struggle, a lot of depression, and A LOT of tears, that is what I did. I gave it ALL!  I turned over ALL control to him. God, I get it!  If you want me to get out of this bed again, I WILL! If you want me to recover, I WILL! If you want me to get out of this depression, I WILL!  If you want to give us a third baby, YOU WILL!  I GET IT!  Its all yours God!  Its all in your timing! I am not in charge of my own life. The timing is not mine.  I can plan all I want and want all that I want, but you are in control of EVERYTHING. I will never take that for granted again.  God gets all the glory from now on!  I am blessed beyond words because of him!  So here it is. “Don’t miss this”, as our Pastor Phil would say! If you are in a situation that leaves you feeling out of hope, give it to GOD! He hears your prayers and he feels your sorrow. He is here for you in everything. He knows how it will all turn out. He knows what you need and when you need it. The trials are for a reason! Everything is for a reason!  Trust in him and give it to him and let ALL the glory be his!  I am growing a third little blessing inside of me, a miracle from God!  Growing a real live human being people!  That is not by chance. Only God can do that! Give him the glory!

So, in closing, I found out that I was pregnant the morning of our family photo shoot. I just couldn’t believe it! I was ecstatic! It had finally happened! I wanted to jump on the phone and call Tim right away, but he was at work and unreachable on a flight! It just so happened that Tim was going to be gone all day and I wouldn’t have to worry about blurting out the big secret!  So after calling my friend, who was driving in from Kentucky for our family photo shoot, and telling her the exciting news, we decided to surprise Tim with the big news in front of the camera! It was so fun to hold on to my secret all day and be able to tell him the exciting news and being able to capture that very special moment.  A moment that we had been waiting a long time for.  We were expecting our third child!  It was a fun moment and a really fun day and we have it all captured right here!  So enjoy reliving this exciting day with us! And remember to give GOD all the glory!

And a big shout out to Melissa G Photography for capturing our beautiful moments!